Heavenly

There’s this thing in the bathroom, it appears a dark little cloud in the corner of the room, my mind says ‘dark matter’, I’ve not used this phrase before. I wonder what this is? I scurry up the stairs to check google for what dark matter is, I don’t understand in context all those big words on the ‘science’ pages. I change my search and start to read this instead. ‘Dark Matter ‘  I am mind blown. How did a part of me know of this? How did those words even enter my mind when I’ve not before used them? This happens a lot for me. When I write a blog post it isn’t me, it is something else. What I write just flows, it isn’t forced. I’ve written poems before and had to google sometimes 5 of the words I’ve inputted, how did I know to use these words when I didn’t know their meaning or context, why did they flow naturally to me? Its the same when I actually do write, sometimes it is me, but mostly I cannot explain or put into words how it comes about, I’m so certain whatever it is hasn’t spoken through my own mind. How can I write something that just came to me in a flash, use words I have never before used, sometimes never even heard. All I do know is this, it comes, you have to write it no matter what, it is there for a reason I truly believe. Maybe this is real in everybody, did we even need to go school to learn when it seems this is a gift we all truly hold within ourselves regardless. Does this happen to other people? Like musicians, make-up artists, like literally all kinds of people, does this happen to you too?

Later this same evening sat at my desk looking at the computer screen, I notice something moving, I turn my head and there it is, like a figure shaped energy that glides across my room and disappears at the wall. It didn’t stop when I turned to view, I literally saw it moving in its tiny form. I was amazed. Straight away I believed it was the child I miscarried who would have turned 6 within the next month. I always strongly believed she’d have been a girl for some reason. The energy was feminine. Immediately I knew this was energy of some sort, whether spirit or not, so I quickly I did an angel card reading asking to see what this meant. One card, it was ‘Sonya’ –  I cried when this came up, I always ALWAYS get emotional October through beginning of December because of my little lost one. I’ve never known how to deal with it,  and I find it very special that the little presence whether real or not was three days after my birthday. I know I sound crazy but I really don’t care. Even if everyone on Earth ridicules me and proves me wrong, it made me happy, and believing it makes me feel blessed and even more connected.

I travelled to Paris last year for my first solo trip. On my first day I unpacked went out for a walk and food and to do some sight seeing. Later that evening I went back to my hotel room, it was an old building, boutique style with creaking floors etc. I sat upon my bed after getting ready to go out for dinner and wine, at the opposite end of the room to my right side was a black human form shaped thing, instantly I smiled as I felt so strongly this was my grandma who passed just 2 months before. I felt her with me, it made me cry but with joy and love. I have never been scared once when things like this happen. I always feel a deep strong love in my heart and its like I already know who it is. I was alone in Paris, in an old characteristic building, if this was a movie it would have been scary, but it isn’t, I felt this big wave of love all over that made me feel so safe and protected and guarded, I’ve never enjoyed myself as much as I did in Paris, this happened the first evening I was there, it never happened again during this trip.

So….the other  night while I’m over analysing all this weird stuff that has happened, I remember two times when I was 19 seeing ghosts. Like actual looking that real people not just dark fuzziness and stuff. And why is it so easy to forget you’ve seen something? You know its real if you truly felt it, so are we blocking our experiences out or what?

I used to work at Calke Abbey, this one night in winter I was cleaning down in the restaurant alone, it was very dark outside but that’s winter I suppose. I remember seeing a woman walking down the restaurant past the table and chairs, she was dressed in a pink/coral coat, she was old, shorter than myself in height, also wearing a scarf, and she literally walked straight down the restaurant. We had no customers left in the building and had locked up outside before finishing up. I turned towards her and said oooh sorry , her image made me step back, like  curious as her dress sense was abit out there (before my time), but as she passed me she disappeared? Again I wasn’t scared, just confused. Like you KNOW you definitely saw it with your eyes but at the same time you wonder if you are hallucinating. Who knows?

A couple months after this occasion, it was new years eve, my partner at the time was just sending back our puppy, we lived in an upstairs flat with no garden and it was cruel to have a little puppy we had to keep on a leash with zero freedom without us having an actual garden. He’d gone and passed over the little beauty. I was in my kitchen getting ready, the lighting was always best in the kitchen, I turn around and the window in front of me had a woman’s face looking at me, again she looked as though she was a completely different era, and again it wasn’t a scary experience, just me looking slightly confused. That night I actually got up to look out the window to see if I’m just seeing a neighbour etc, impossible for it to be.

I did some gorgeous lovely research on whether your ‘lost baby souls’ come back. read here I came across the most heart warming page and felt so blessed reading through, I got all excited believing all its content, that I actually said aloud to my little lost one (yano because I’m crazy lol) ‘I’ll let you pick your own name if you want to come back and I trust you’ll show me. The next morning I applied for a job, had a missed call from them but didn’t really care as didn’t want it anyway. A few minutes later I received a text message saying ‘please call Melissa asap’. The name Melissa struck me! My 6 year old niece when she was 5, said she used to play in her room with her cousin Melissa. My mum and sisters instantly thought me as id always name my child with an ‘m’. I think this so cute and way too much to be coincidences.

Has anybody else ever had a weird thing like any of these happen? And what are your opinions on them? Do you believe its energy/spirits/or what?

And also like with mine, it happens and then its so easily forgotten about, does this happen to you too? Ive spoken to people about this stuff before but everybody has a different opinion and can make you feel slightly crazy or weird, or it can freak them out or make them laugh, I think this is what stops us from believing it has happened.

I truly believe in it, a stronger part of me is starting to feel as though we are all actually meant to be able to see them, I really do. They say children and babies can see ‘other stuff’ more than us but because we cant and because we dismiss what they are saying maybe they block it all out because of what is said to them? I’ve no idea, all I know is that, if it feels real to you that’s more than enough, if its real in your mind it happened regardless of what anybody else says.